THE UNDEFEATED MIND – Alex Lickman

Book can be found here (an amazon associates link)  https://amzn.to/2JBHvjf (this is an Amazon associate link which earns us commission to keep things going) summary and notes below:

Through stories of patients who have used these principles to overcome suffering caused by unemployment, unwanted weight gain, addiction, rejection, chronic pain, retirement, illness, loss, and even death, Dr. Lickerman shows how we too can make these principles function within our own lives, enabling us to develop for ourselves the resilience we need to achieve indestructible happiness. At its core, The Undefeated Mind urges us to stop hoping for easy lives and focus instead on cultivating the inner strength we need to enjoy the difficult lives we all have.

# But things aren’t as bleak as they seem. Or rather, things are only as
bleak as they seem, for the way events impact us depends far more on
the lens through which we view them—our inner life state—than on the
events themselves

# I found myself thinking about how
quickly we pronounce final judgment on the things that happen to us,
deciding whether they’re good or bad in the first moment they occur—
about how in doing so we surrender our own agency, abandoning the
belief that we have the power to create meaning out of what happens to
us.

# Herman Hesse once wrote that wisdom, when spoken aloud, always
sounds a little bit foolish.6 Perhaps that’s because when we hear something
that makes sense to us, we think we already know it. But often we don’t. At least not in a way that matters. We know it with our intellect,
but not with our hearts.

#Which brings us to the second reason happiness is difficult to achieve:
it requires not only the presence of joy (meaning a positive emotional
state), but also the absence of suffering

# We may think things that bring us joy—a good job,
money, a loving spouse, and so on—simultaneously immunize us against
suffering, but if anything they actually make us more vulnerable to suffering
by providing us more attachments to lose

#We don’t suffer, according to Nichiren Buddhism, because we face obstacles; we
suffer because we face obstacles we don’t believe we can overcome ( the greatest things are yet to come)

#clinical depression—is considered to
result from our being overwhelmed by a feeling of powerlessness

# not al problems are solveable in the way we want

# essence of victory lies in the act of refusing to be defeated

# but studies are beginning to
support the idea that the quantity and quality of value we create for others
is what contributes to our happiness the most.6

#“And when we lose our sense of purpose—our ability to create value in
the way that matters to us most—well,” I concluded, “it’s pretty hard not
to become miserable.”

#For this reason, we have much to gain from conceiving of selfdoubt
not as a character flaw but as a mortal enemy

# Termed alexithymia, the inability to correctly identify feelings is especially common
in people suffering from depression, many of whom have difficulty
even recognizing they’re depressed

# “Creativity is a probabilistic consequence of productivity,”

# What separates people who ultimately succeed from those who fail, according to Simonton, is simply a larger number of tries and a willingness to keep failing. People who succeed, in other words, don’t succeed because they’re necessarily smarter or more creative than people who don’t (that is, their ratio of successes to failures isn’t better than everyone else’s). They succeed because they have an increased tolerance for failure, paradoxically suffering even more failures than people who don’t succeed

# I needed to learn to take care of myself, of my needs, in the midst of a relationship, not apart from one

# distraction is superior to willpower in delaying gratification (he referred to the marshmellow experiment, even though the conclusion of it was kids who lacked self control didnt have it later in life either)

# like obama said the more decisions one needs to make the more you deplete the willpower you have in you, therefore eliminate the n.o of decisions you need to make- make it a habit therefore

# to lose fat, go for a longer walk and put on headphones, listen to a recording of an audio book

# Usually the reason we say a problem isn’t solvable isn’t because the solution doesn’t exist; it’s because the
solution isn’t what we want it to be

# The meaning of events changes constantly as a result of the events that
follow it ( miss your flight, it explodes )

# when a patient of Frankl’s realized that in surviving his wife’s death (which had caused him to become severely depressed)
he’d spared her the experience of suffering over his death, which transformed his surviving her into a compassionate sacrifice, and thus caused
his depression to end

# No matter how unique you think you are, no matter how unusual you think your situation is, when you think about how many people there
are in the world—how many people there have been—it’s hard to imagine that someone else at some time hasn’t had your problem and found a
way to solve it.

# People with a pessimistic self-explanatory style are also at an increased risk for developing post traumatic stress and depression when adversity
strikes—

# but instead respond to them as we might respond to negative people: by putting ourselves somewhere they’re not.

# problems arent hard they are simply harder than we expected

# change your expectations or better don’t have any at all not to be disappointed or surprised

# when more people support you, studies show your less motivated as when no one was there –otherwise we start depending on thos supporting us and when they facc us we mentally shut down, don’t depend on anyone! Solve your own problems yourself and you’ll become more resilient due to it studies show

# Said another way, good is that which protects conscious creatures from harm, and evil that which subjects them to it. Good is also that
which is just and fair, evil that which is unjust and unfair

# According to Milgram, when we perceive someone as a legitimate authority, we tend to accept the meaning they assign to actions even when that meaning contradicts what we ourselves perceive

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